You may find yourself de facto quality control officer

The Story:  You've ordered a whole bunch of books for an author visit, because he's kind of a big deal and you know there will be hundreds of people in the audience.  You get them in, have your talk, and as you're handing him books people have bought for them to get autographed, you hear an awful CRACK!  He's opened the book to sign, and the cover and first page have come clean off!  You apologize profusely and grab another book for the author to sign for his fans.  Phew!  A couple books later, it happens again.  You replace it, and everyone moves on.  But then it happens a third time, and then a fourth, and a fifth, and it just keeps happening.  By now you realize that something is very wrong.  You pull in extra colleagues to quickly go through and open up every book on the sale table, as well as those in boxes on reserve, so that you're only selling good books to people to get signed by their favorite author.  You make it through this first event (there are more to come later in the day, though much smaller), and your author comments that he's never seen anything like it before, and how sad it makes him that all his books are broken.  He may have a word with his publisher.  You assure him that you can send back damaged books to your wholesaler, which makes everybody feel more at ease.  Eventually you all disperse to regroup for the later panels with this author, which go off without a hitch, as you've gone through most of the inventory, leaving a few boxes untouched that you know you won't need.

Later, you call your B&T rep to arrange return authorizations and you tell them about all the damaged ones.  They'll pay for shipping on the damaged but not the unopened or undamaged.  Well, undamaged is fair, but given that more than half of the ones opened were damaged, maybe they should pay for one of the unopened boxes to go back, you suggest.  They say that's not an option, so you say, "How about I open the boxes and count up the damaged ones and call you back with another number?" because that seems honest and fair, but the rep rejects that proposal as well, so you sigh and accept it.  You repack all the damaged ones back in their original boxes and affix the provided shipping labels and send them on their way.  The next day, you open the untouched boxes anyway, because you'll be damned if you're paying for shipping and insurance for broken books (after the post office lost three boxes of books that one year after an author event and you had to fax a form from the dead letter office to the book vendor to prove you actually shipped them back, you ALWAYS get postal insurance, which is probably just what the post office wants you to do).  You call back and get the same rep you spoke to yesterday, and ask for return labels for the new number of damaged books.  This time she sighs and accepts it.  Because both of you know that if she tries to argue with you, that you'll ask to speak to her manager.

But just because she wants to make your life more difficult, the shipping labels she sends you are not for two bigger boxes, which are what these books came in and you have so efficiently already packed and taped and are just awaiting a label, but a dozen smaller boxes.  Good thing you haven't been to the recycling bin yet and have extra boxes on hand, but now of course you have to unpack, make up return forms for, and repack over a hundred damaged books.  It's also a good thing you ordered way more than you would need, because if you'd estimated demand correctly, dozens of kids would be walking around with broken autographed books.

The Lesson:  Unbox and inspect all your books BEFORE your author arrives.  Count up all damages BEFORE you call your book rep.  Be prepared to play dirty, and don't be too efficient.

No resources this time, as I don't think this is one of those things they write articles about in library school.  In fact, the whole nuts-and-bolts of the ordering process was largely glossed over in terms too general to really comprehend, or else skipped entirely.  Preparing for an author visit should be a whole unit in a programming/events class, if your school even offers such a thing, but no such curriculum seemed to exist in library school for myself and many of my cohort/librarian generation, regardless of which school we graduated from.  They filled our heads with high ideals and principles, with some case study examples of problem patrons, but did very little to tackle a lot of the day-to-day stuff we'd be faced with.  Maybe I'm just not remembering it.  Maybe they did try to teach us and I wasn't paying attention, but this is the kind of thing I know I would've taken notes on.

You may moonlight as a used furniture salesman.

Image credit:  Ikea

The Story:  You are getting new furniture, rearranging the library, and you've got a couple of things to get rid of.  You ask if you can post them on your local list-serv and what your director will accept for a price.  Then, you take some time crafting your post before you send it, and within an hour, you've got multiple offers on the table (figuratively and literally).  Yay, job's done!  Or so you think.  Your director now enlists you to help sell half a dozen other pieces of furniture you never knew existed because they were sitting in the boiler room or in town hall's storage facility.  And now you're spending way more time than you ever wanted to spend measuring, photographing, and describing items of furniture which were purchased years, or sometimes decades, ago and therefore nobody can find a catalog listing of them to copy and paste.  There's no real way out of it, though, so you chug along until you've cleaned out the library's closet to the director's contentment, and then get back to your regular job duties.

The Lesson:  No good deed goes unpunished.  Just kidding.  But really, though, if you prove yourself to be good at something, especially something that's not in the typical librarian job description, you will find yourself doing a lot more of it than you ever intended.  Thankfully, in this instance, there were finite numbers of furnishings to be re-allocated, but every time anyone revamps part of the library and needs to get rid of something, you'll be the one they turn to.  On the plus side, you've discovered a new skill set you can use should you ever tire of the librarian profession.

The Resources:  I trust your local MLS program to teach you what a list-serv is, and other librarians or google to tell you which ones are relevant to your professional interests, so I'll just share some tips for furniture selling.

1.  Think like a customer ~ If you were looking to purchase or claim a bit of furniture, think about what you'd like to be included in that listing to help you decide if it's right for you.  This may all seem like common sense, but I can't tell you how many listings I've seen go unanswered that basically say, "Do you want to buy my crap?" with no picture, no details, nothing.  Don't be that guy.

2.  Measure twice, cut once ~ Wait, wrong proverb.  You really should measure it though.  List accurate measurements for length, width, height, depth, volume, and any other dimension that makes sense.  Most people won't have a weight scale that can handle furniture, but you should at least tell potential buyers, who will be coming to pick up their furniture and will be really upset if they find out they'll need to come back later with more hands/a bigger truck/etc., what to expect.  Tell them, "This takes three people to move," or "It drags easily but is hard to pick up by yourself," or "For the love of God and all that is holy, lift with your knees on this sucker!"

3.  A picture is worth a thousand words ~ Take pictures from multiple angles, in good lighting, and if your furniture is adjustable or has moving parts, take pictures of those things in action as well as at rest.  Include a standard fiction book for scale, because even with all those measurements, someone will still show up and say, "That's bigger than I thought."  (Make sure to mention in your ad that the book is just for scale and is not included with their purchase.)  If you've made any modifications to it or it has significant damage, include that in the picture set.  This may seem counter-intuitive, but it brings me to my next point.

4.  Be honest ~ We're all in the same boat here, and the last thing we'd want is to get ripped off by another librarian, so don't be a dick and try to swindle one of your colleagues.  You'll run into them at conferences and workshops at some point anyway, and then it'll be awkward.  Plus, librarians are gossips, and as soon as one of us feels like buying your cast-offs is not a good investment, you'll have a harder time getting rid of anything in the future.  (Don't even try to tell me that librarians are not gossips; our profession is all about the sharing of information--we are professional gossips.)  So tell potential buyers about any wear and tear, damage, holes you've drilled, parts you've replaced, paint you've layered on, and why.  They'll understand.  If they could afford brand-new furniture in perfect condition, they won't be interested in your post anyway.  And this brings me to my final point.

5.  Set a reasonable price ~ You're never going to get anywhere near what you paid for it.  If it went for $1,000 ten years ago, you'd be lucky to $100 for it now, especially if some re-assembly is required.  You're not trying to turn a profit here, just maybe make a few extra dollars to buy some wish-list books or hire that actually talented magician whose tricks you can't see straight through, while getting rid of something you can't use anymore but which might be useful to others.  You're doing them a favor by selling deeply discounted but still usable furniture, and they're doing you a favor by not making you drag something heavy to the dump (which can cost staff time, vehicle time, or actual money depending on the method of disposal).  If there are no bites in a couple weeks, lower the price, list it again, or add "or best offer" to the post.  I guarantee you there is a librarian somewhere who is interested in that coat rack, but only if they can get it for $25 less than what you listed.  If the price really is non-negotiable (sometimes you don't have control over this), make that crystal clear in your posting.  Most libraries are not well-funded, and librarians are used to haggling and scouring for discounts.  We need to know up front if your wares are too rich for our blood; that way nobody's wasting each other's time haggling over furniture and we can all go back to reading books all day.  (HA!)

You may find yourself using some strange tools

The Story:  As a librarian, you have many intellectual tools in your toolbox:  querying databases, the art of the reference interview, organizing meta-data.  However, you may be unaware of the actual physical tools you will sometimes require to do your job effectively:  hammer and nails, box cutter, canned air, various industrial-strength glues, an assortment of screwdrivers, allan wrenches, pliers, scissors, and, yes, a toothbrush.  Things break in the library, and you will be called upon to know, or learn quickly, how to fix them.  This is especially true of new technology, or slightly less-new technology for which you may not have free or in-house tech support or replacement options.  If you want to do innovative crafts, you'll have to get your hands on some innovative tools, and not be afraid to use them.  All of the tools pictured above are things I have actually used in my workday to fix toys, prepare after-school maker/craft activities, and trouble-shoot new technology (a.k.a - the 3D printer is clogged again).

The Lesson:  Always be willing to learn, try, and fail before you succeed at fixing something physical.  Also, never underestimate the power of google.  There are so many how-tos and fix-it/DIY websites and forums out there, that you can learn to fix, replace, or take apart just about anything.  Don't be afraid to look beyond the manufacturer's website for help if your problem doesn't come up in their FAQ.  Also, if something is broken enough that you have been called upon to fix it, it's likely that you can't break it much worse if you're actually following some kind of directions rather than just tinkering and hoping for the best.  And once you do actually manage to fix the darn thing, it can be kind of fun and empowering, knowing that you were able to do this thing yourself.

The Resources:  Youtube, Instructables, WikiHow, Lifehacker, and iFixit (one of my personal favorites).  There are a ton more out there, too, devoted to any specific problems you might have.

You may have to get your hands dirty...very dirty (Butterfly GardenPart 2)

The Story:  After removing all that gravel, you discover that underneath, from years of heavy gravel and rainwater unabsorbed by plants, there is a hard clay-dust-rock-like substance that is in no way arable land.  Much like a martian landscape, your garden area is barren and incapable of supporting life.  So, off to the local hardware store you go, after measuring the garden and calculating how many square feet of soil you're going to need to buy.  You schedule a delivery of what should be more than enough soil, and when it gets there (three days after the scheduled delivery date), it sits on the sidewalk next to the garden while it rains for a week.  Meanwhile, your actual planting date is looming ever closer, because before you actually dug out the garden space, you've been hosting programs where the children helped prepare the plants (more on that in another post).  And now they're sprouting.

Finally, you get a nice enough day to get out there with a shovel and a garden rake, you put the dirt down, and discover you're still, somehow, a little bit short.  Back to the hardware store for another delivery.  This eventually comes and you cover up the rest of the barren garden bed, just in time for the first sprout planting program with the kids.

The Lesson & Resources:  Be prepared to get your hands seriously dirty and muddy, and bring clothing and shoes you don't care about to change into before you start dumping dirt.  You may wind up doing most of this part yourself due to scheduling, weather, etc.  Allow more time and more resources than you think you actually need, and then allow for more.  You'll always be over-budget and barely on time.  You will, however, eventually end up with a plantable garden, and kids who are excited to do the planting.

Stay tuned for more misadventures in planning a library butterfly garden.

You may have to shovel gravel for multiple hours (Butterfly Garden Part 1)

The Story:  Spring is coming, and you decide it would be a great learning experience for the children to raise butterflies at the library.  Then, you think how great it would be for them to do some good for the planet and build a butterfly garden.  You have the perfect spot in mind:  plenty of sun, nothing growing there now, and it even gets some visibility as people drive by on their way to the book drop.  The only problem is that it is covered in gravel at least three inches thick, on top of a weed barrier cloth, on top of hard-packed clay.  You don't know any of this yet.

Here is the before picture:

So you enlist the help of the custodian, who is the only person on staff accustomed to physical labor, as you know nobody else will volunteer for this task, and you start shoveling.  Of course you have to talk to the boss to get off-desk time for the project and permission to wear ratty jeans while you're working.  Ever try to garden in business casual?  I don't recommend it.

You think this will take a couple of hours.  When you estimated this for the boss, you didn't take into account how dense this gravel was, and you didn't realize how deep it was either.  There's also the task of redistributing the gravel to other beds once you've removed it from this one.  Two or three hours is not enough.

I can't tell you how many hours we spent in total, but it was a lot.  It took multiple sessions of a couple or more hours at a time to get the appropriate amount of gravel cleared away.  I was sore for a day or two after each time, but it was the good soreness that can only come from knowing you've worked physically hard and accomplished something.

The Lesson:  It will always take longer than you think it will.  A bin full of gravel takes two people to lift.  The weather will not cooperate with your availability schedule.  There will be problems that you did not foresee, and you will just have to deal with them.  You've already started this garden project, and it's too late to back out now.

The Resources:  Hopefully you have a few good, sturdy shovels on hand for digging.  In the absence of a wheelbarrow, a low, flat book cart with plastic bins on them makes a good gravel transport.  Having deodorant in your work locker is something you'll be grateful that you already do after a day of shoveling gravel when you have to get presentable again for your shift at the desk.

Stay tuned for more mishaps and adventures in creating a library butterfly garden from scratch.